We’ve all overcome challenges. Thousands of day-to-day challenges; like this past weekend when I broke down in a car park having popped out to get dog food and come back to a flat battery! Or sometimes they are life-changing challenges or struggles; like when a dear family member dies, you have a relationship breakdown with a friend or family member, or you get made redundant.
I suspect you might have wished some things had never happened, especially the really emotionally intense, complex and life-altering things we may go through in our lifetime. That’s to be expected. We don’t want to experience scary, uncertain, painful and unsettling times. But what do you think would happen if we didn’t experience any challenges in our lives? Who would we be? How would we know what our strengths are?
Our skills? What’s important to us? Having been through unique experiences or challenges shared by others, there’s a chance that you’ve learnt something as a result, something that could be advantageous for you in the future.
Often, however, when the going gets tough in the here-and-now, we forget all the challenges we’ve ever overcome before. People report feeling unable to cope, living with a sense of urgency, there’s so much to do and not enough time to do it, a never-ending list of tasks, expectations and demands but no energy or belief that they can deal with it. I know I’ve been there before! Navigating work, caring responsibilities, studying, starting a business, going to the gym, socialising and generally keeping your head above water whilst trying to keep your mind and body as healthy as possible – phew.
There are many ways to give yourself a bit of a boost, shifting the belief from ‘I can’t’ to ‘I can’ and I’ll be sharing many of them in future blog posts, but I’ll start with one of my favourites. Exploring your past challenges, to help you in the here-and-now.
So what do you do?
I often encourage people to think about a length of time that seems reasonable, may be it’s the past few months, may be it’s the past year. You could even just focus on the past week. Once you have a timeline in mind, you can think back to difficulties you have experienced during that time and start making a note of them. Sometimes I need my calendar to give me a prompt when I’m doing my own reflections, but other times the challenges flow freely!
You can get creative with it, you don’t have to just write about them in a list, you could write a story, draw a storyboard or talk aloud and record yourself, you could make a collage. You might have an inkling of what might be your preference, you might want to try a few different ways and see what works for you.
What next?
Once you have gathered information about the past challenges you have faced, you can ask yourself questions (in no particular order):
- What strengths or qualities did I use to get me through that challenge?
- What positive things have I learnt about myself and that situation as a result of that challenge?
- What resources do I have?
- What knowledge do I now have?
- What have I achieved, that I may have previously overlooked?
- What am I grateful for as a result of the challenges I have experienced?
- What motto, affirmation or reminder can I use going forwards to help me in future challenges?
- Is there anything else that is useful oor relevant for you?
It really depends on how in-depth or detailed you want to be. Sometimes I might just focus on one past challenge if I don’t have the time to get ‘stuck in’ with a lengthy timeline. Say I’m in the middle of the day, for example when my car broke down, I asked myself, ‘When have you had to deal with something like this before?’, ‘What did that tell you about your strengths and abilities?’, ‘What are my options now?’. I was able to pull upon several situations whereby I had to get my car back up and running (I’ve had a few bangers in my time!), despite being alone and not overly knowledgeable about cars! That in-the-moment reflection gave me a boost of determination and clarity and meant I wasn’t inconsolable sobbing mess in the car park, being unhelpfully critical of myself for not replacing the battery sooner and hoping someone would miraculously come and save me.
The important stuff…in summary:
- Choose a timeline length
- Reflect back and gather information on the details of the challenges you faced, however minor or insignificant you may have thought about it before
- Ask yourself some reflection questions
Then what?
You can use your reflections as a visual aid, or a reminder when the going gets tough. May be you keep the list or answers on your mobile device. I love a visual prompt so I have a few post it notes with strengths of mine as a helpful reminder in my day-to-day life. We’re all different, so you might find it helpful to take some time to think about how you might use this information for yourself going forwards.
Good luck!
If you’re interested in reading more about self-help techniques, check out this link: Bouncing back from life’s challenges – Every Mind Matters – NHS (www.nhs.uk)
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For every person I work with, I will adapt my methods, tools, and techniques based on your personality, strengths, challenges, and aspirations. The flexibility of Coaching Psychology ensures that it meets the diverse needs of clients rather than following a rigid, one-size-fits-all approach.
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Emma Mudge
Co-founder and Coaching Psychologist
BSc (Hons), PGCert, PGDip, MSt
Member of the British Psychological Society
& Division of Coaching Psychology – GMBPsS
EmPower You Psychological Services