Humans aren’t built for happiness: The positive role of negative emotions
How human evolution can help us understand why we feel the way we do, and what this means for life in 2024
I have been working with adults experiencing common mental health problems for nearly ten years now, and one of the things people overwhelmingly will tell me, is that they just want to feel happy. When I talk with people about goals for therapy, feeling more of the good stuff, and less of the ‘bad’ stuff, is often top of the agenda. And that makes total sense, if I asked you if you’d like to be happier, experience more joy, be less stressed, less depressed, less anxious, you’d say yes, right? So would I! But what does being happy actually mean? Being happy all of the time? If I could wave a magic wand and make you happy all of the time, would you accept it? And, what would this actually mean for us as humans? What would life be like if we were happy all of the time, and never experienced any ‘negative’ emotions?
You’d be forgiven for thinking that happy is the default emotion for humans, that this is how we should feel, if only life didn’t get in the way. And often, we find ourselves chasing that feeling, trying to get ‘back’ to a state of happiness. It’s as though if we aren’t feeling it, there must be something wrong, a problem that must be solved. But what if I told you that humans weren’t actually built to feel happy? And that your brain actively dismisses happiness, and welcomes the negative?
To understand this, we have to look back in time, to when humans first evolved. Starting millions of years ago, humans evolved with emotions to motivate or aid us in solving problems that were a threat to our survival. Basically, emotions helped us to stay alive and successfully reproduce. And in order to do that, emotions had to be powerful. Emotions facilitate the coordination of multiple processes in our bodies, including cognitive, physiological, perceptual and behavioural. Each emotion allows for a different program of thinking, attention, physical and behavioural changes, all designed to promote survival and, ultimately, reproduction.
So, when understanding why we experience negative emotions, we can ask ourselves, what survival and reproduction problem did this emotion evolve to solve?
Fear
Fear is about the anticipation of a predictable or imminent adverse outcome. It causes adaptive and automatic cognitive, physical and behavioural responses. These include, but are not limited to, the physical responses of quickened breathing, increased heart rate, sweating, dry mouth, tense muscles, butterflies in the stomach and changes to vision. Cognitive changes include racing thoughts, increased attention to danger and threat-focused thoughts. Behaviourally, we are compelled to avoid, escape, freeze, fight or fawn. Fear is essential to human survival, and so is a response that has been highly conserved in our evolution. The communication of fear to those around us is also essential, in that it promotes avoidance of threat and social learning within our group. In order for fear to work, it has to be an automatic and instant response, and as such, is not a reaction that is controlled consciously.
Anger
Anger serves many purposes, both aiding survival and social functioning. For example, anger can trigger the fight or flight response, and allow someone to fight off danger. It also motivates us to defend people and resources, such as territory and food. Anger can also act as a motivator for change, allowing for social progress. Socially, anger promotes social bonding, by signalling to others that a boundary has been crossed and reinforcing social rules and cohesion within groups. Anger can also motivate us to resolve conflict, disputes or injustices, another way of promoting social harmony within groups. Belonging to a group was vital for human survival, as lone humans would quickly fall foul to predators or rival groups. So, although anger can be an emotion that leads to destructive behaviours, its primary function was one of survival and social cohesion.
Disgust
Disgust evolved as a way of avoiding infection. It allows us to react to, and commit to memory, anything that could infect us. Interestingly, disgust is an emotion that is designed to be communicated to others (hence why someone experiencing disgust has an obvious observable and audible response *inset vomit emoji*). This allows us to communicate to those around us about potential danger, and the need to avoid this person/food/object. Interestingly, it has been shown that the disgust response is even more obvious when a parent is around their children, demonstrating the evolutionary importance of survival of offspring. Disgust can also induce others to gossip and lead to derogation of competitors. Again, a powerful way of conveying information about someone’s potential infection risk and allowing people to regulate their social interactions accordingly. However, the behavioural results of disgust are regulated by social factors. We are more likely to downplay disgust to those in our ‘tribe’ or inner circle, or with those of higher social status. Disgust can also motivate us to approach the object of our disgust, for example to repel or kill it, and motivates adaptive behaviour such as washing and cleaning as a way of reducing the likelihood of infection.
Shame
Shame evolved as the solution to the problem of actual or potential spread of reputationally damaging information about ourselves. This needed to be avoided because damaging information could reduce the likelihood that other group members would provide us with assistance. The feeling of shame motivated individuals to avoid making choices or behaving in a way which they may be devalued by peers and this information could reach other group members. Hunter-gatherers relied heavily upon aid from others, and as such, would be highly motivated to avoid anything that could disrupt this. Evolutionary theory tells us that one’s willingness to provide assistance was based upon a cost-benefit analysis, and those that held higher social value, were more likely to be able to provide help, and so were more likely to receive help. Others determine our value based upon our behaviours and characteristics and can devalue us upon this basis, too. Any new information received about us by others could cause them to reconsider our value. Those that held less value, over time would have been helped less and harmed more, and so being devalued was literally life or death. Therefore, it would have been central to survival to prevent damaging information being spread about us to others. Shame produces many behaviours designed to repair social connection, including appeasement and subordination in attempts to mollify those who have observed the transgression.
Shame is an emotion that causes personal suffering, and can lead to hostile behaviour. Shame can be thought of as an emotion that leads to someone pushing others away, hiding away and not sharing their inner thoughts and feelings with others. Research tells us that it is not objective wrongdoing, but the threat of social devaluation that causes shame.
Embarrassment
Embarrassment is an emotion developed to promote social cohesion. It is designed to ensure adherence to group norms and maintenance of one’s reputation. It signals to others that the person knows they have recognised a social faux pas, and motivates them to ‘correct’ their behaviours and avoid further social ‘mistakes’. Embarrassment may also foster empathy, making individuals more attuned to the feelings and needs of others, and promote cooperation and mutual support within groups.
Guilt
Guilt is another emotion that fosters group harmony and cooperation amongst group members. Guilt is designed to maintain social bonds, where individuals who feel guilty after violating social norms signal to others that they are aware of their impact and are then motivated to repair relationships and trust. Guilt can also act as a deterrent to the individual acting in such a way again in order to avoid feelings of guilt. It can also promote self-reflection, prompting an individual to think about how they can avoid these actions in the future. Knowing this, it makes sense why guilt is such a painful emotion to experience, as it is designed to motivate the individual to repair and learn.
The problem of ‘cave person’ emotions in 2024…
You’ve probably come to see by now, that our emotions were intricately and purposefully designed to serve our survival as a species. Our biological ‘hardwiring’ is still set for survival. This may have solved a lot of problems for us thousands of years ago, but now, this hardwiring has to keep up with modern life, and this leaves us vulnerable to a wide variety of difficulties.
Modern Social Life
We evolved with these emotions when we were part of relatively small, tight-knit groups, where we would know all group members. Those outside of your group were often a threat, and so being suspicious of outsiders was a natural and helpful reaction. In 2024, we are part of much wider groups, with thousands of people in one area, and it would be impossible to know everyone. We also have social media, where we literally have access to millions of people from all over the world at our fingertips. We weren’t designed to negotiate relationships with so many people, and so it makes sense why so many of us feel suspicious, judged, paranoid, and anxious around others.
Overreactive Responses
Emotions such as fear and disgust were designed to protect us from real threat. However, these responses can now be triggered by much less immediate threats, such as work pressure or social media. Because our brains don’t know the difference between immediate actual physical danger and social or professional threat, it responds in the same immediate and physical way. This can mean that our responses to situations can feel completely out of proportion to the actual situation.
Complex Social Structures
We were built to deal with smaller and much less complex social structures, with much more direct communication. However, in modern day, we can be part of a huge number of social structures with thousands of people and many, complex interactions through many channels, and sometimes from people we don’t even know (think: text, DMs, emails, voice notes, hear-say, gossip, comments). This can lead to misinterpretation and misunderstanding, and make us prone to emotions like embarrassment, shame and guilt, even when no harm has been done.
Accelerated Societal Change
Human emotional responses were developed over millennia, however, there has been huge societal change over a small amount of time recently. You, your parents or your grandparents may be able to recount a time when not every household had a TV, and computers weren’t even heard of. The internet wasn’t invented until 1983. That means you would only have to be 50 years old to remember a time before internet. And now, we have the whole world literally in our palms, every minute of every day if we want to. Our emotions haven’t had time to catch up with the fast pace of modern-day life.
How do we know if we are having problems with our emotions?
When strong feelings go on for too long. For example, when the natural grief that we experience following a loved one’s death, carries on for many years, beyond what is considered the natural grief cycle. Or when the natural anxiety and feelings of being ‘on guard’ following a traumatic event, goes on for many months or years.
When our emotions have a negative impact upon our day to day lives. For example, when anxiety stops us from leaving the house, engaging in society, going to work or forming and maintaining relationships with people. Or when depression stops us from doing anything at all, and we find ourselves unable to work, study, care for ourselves, engage in family life or reach our goals.
When we feel too much, out of proportion to what most people would feel in the situation. For example, when the normal nervousness or worry we might experience in relation to attending a new social event is so paralysing that it stops us from attending social events entirely. Or when we feel scared by our own thoughts or physical feelings, so much so that we are constantly anxious, as though we are always on the lookout for danger.
When we feel too little. People who experience depression often say that they don’t feel joy, excitement or pleasure any more. They may feel hopeless or empty. People who experience PTSD often say that they feel numb inside.
So, what can we do about it?
Viewing our emotions for what they are, feelings that come and go, designed originally to help us, but that can have become unhelpful.
Approaching our feelings differently. Our emotions are not a problem to be gotten rid of. They are helpful and necessary parts of us as humans. However, we come into trouble when we fight with, try to squash down, or ignore our emotions. Noticing and allowing our emotions to be there and take up space, but not take us over. If this idea intrigues you, Russ Harris has some great videos on his YouTube that are really helpful in thinking about and approaching thoughts and emotions differently.
Therapy. There are various therapy modalities, which can approach difficulties with emotions differently. However, all therapy is designed to support people to manage their emotional lives. CBT approaches emotional problems, such as anxiety and depression, by asking the question: how is my thinking and behaviour affecting how I feel? CBT seeks to help people manage their emotions by making changes to their thinking and behaviour, and empowering them to live a more fulfilling life.
Want to know more about how CBT could help you to manage your emotions?
Book a free 15-minute exploratory call with me today, by click our Book Now button on our website, or by following this link: https://empoweryoupsychologicalservices.janeapp.co.uk/
I’d love to hear from you.
Emily
Emily Cheney
Co-founder and Cognitive Behavioural Psychotherapist
BSc (Hons), PGCert, PGDip
BABCP member: 248275
EmPower You Psychological Services